This tree was beautiful
before the flowers
clung clumping to its limbs,
pale as scars;
therefore let us lie in its disordered shade together,
on our bellies,
and maybe, if we trace
its roots with our eyes,
we will unearth the bone-bare loveliness
that lived in its long lines
all through the winter,
like an animal hiding from the cold;
and maybe
we will recover what was lost
behind a screen of pink petals and sun.
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139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Very well Helpful, my friend.
I shall not be merciful considering my birthday is in April.
Now this is an interesting idea, it has yet to bear fruit though. You can't just let potential develop itself, because it won't. For some nitpicking:
Clung clumping? A horrid use of alliteration if you ask me. Even a slight tongue twister.
"Clung clumping" "Clumg Clumging" Please either find a nice way to repeat this similar sound or don't repeat it at all.
The chopping up of these lines were done as delicately as a butcher, eh? Your reader pauses to move over to the next line, and the cuts you make are unnatural in breath. Your reader hacks up the poem on there own fault. If you want to create a link use intelligent links/similes/metaphors that link your poem together rather then cutting up sentences.
Also, language was ever so slightly dull for my tastes, but it was well done. I commend you on your work.
Kamas
EDIT:
Spoiler
Hold on there, cowboy. I still haven't even managed to get to your first one yet...
This poem was really good but I felt you left it hanging slightly. maybe just write write one more line of some sort or swap the last two lines around.
apart from that I don't really have much else to say, maybe changing hiding to different word? or take out that line altogether.
all in all, good work, simple yet it resonates with me.
Keep writing
Halycon